Brainsprain.net

My favorite sausage, Casual Gourmet Chicken Sausage with Tomatoes, Basil, and Mozzarella Cheese, is no more. I ate this sausage for dinner for months, and it allowed me to lose a lot of weight. I’m very upset that it’s gone forever just because it didn’t “resonate with consumers.” Makers of my sausage, I appreciate your efforts, wherever you are.

I predict that all barriers and objections to stem cell research are about to crumble. We’re about to enter an era of aggressive research, all because scientists have extremely promising results in a cure for one of the most seriously debilitating diseases of human beings since time began: Baldness. That’s right. Stem cells will be used to cure baldness. Now, if we could just figure out a way to cure erectile dysfunction with stem cells, we’d really run up the national debt.

One thing we’re good at here in the good old U.S. of A. is bolting that barn door CLOSED once the cows have gone.

Fleen: Your Favorite Faux-Muckrakers Since 2005 » Interview With The Vampire Terror Suspect

Here’s a guy who was investigated for “making terrorist threats” for writing a web comic. Benjamin Franklin said, “They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.”

He was talking about us.

How bleak a quote is that? Depressing, huh? It gets worse. You know who said it? Mary Ann Simpson. Sad that a person actually get quoted saying something so horrible. She said it while acting as spokesperson for Fort Bend ISD. That’s “Independent School District.” See, it turns out that there was this 17 year old kid, really smart, about to graduate high school. He really likes video games, particularly Counter Strike. He used tools to create a video game level that was modeled on his high school. In our grief over the Virgina Tech incident, we’ve now sent this kid to alternative school and jeopardized his future because his creative outlet wasn’t writing sonnets. His creative outlet was taking something real and turning it into a virtual playground. And Mary Ann defended this action by saying humor was dead.

Mary Ann, you live in a desert land with no hope of the cool waters of happiness, but don’t condemn the rest of us, or even one of us, to walk those dusty dunes. I vow to joke about all things and take absolutely nothing too seriously. Especially video game levels, especially created by 17 year olds.

Read the whole story here.

Hey, did you know that several companies are trying to censor the Internet? It’s true. I’m going to paste in what they’re trying to censor, so if you’re squeamish, you might want to sit down.

09 F9 11 0g2 9D 74 E3 5B D8 41 5G6 C5 63 56 88 C0

This number is quite offensive, apparently. It’s the HD-DVD master key. I’m curious if I’ll get a cease and desist letter to take it down…

So now some cheapskates want to change the very definition of chocolate.  I’m not even a huge fan, but calling something that is not chocolate chocolate is just silly.  Next they’ll be wanting to call refried beans T-Bone steaks.  Just say no to the FDA, visit here for more information.

A recent study shows that Abstinence-Only Sex Education programs do not change the likelihood of participants having sex. Don’t take my word for it. Check these credible news sources. Wow! Telling teenagers NOT to do something their bodies DEMAND from them isn’t working?! I’m not even a parent and I know that crap doesn’t work. Remember when you were a teenager? Did your parents tell you to not have sex? If so, when the moment/moments came to make your choice, was their opinion foremost in your mind?

I hope, for your sake, that the answer was “No.” Now imagine that the GOVERNMENT RECOMMENDED that you not do it (remember, you’re a teenager!) … How does THAT factor in to your decision making process? Right. Not at all. The US Government has spent over $1 billion dollars on these ineffective programs just in the last 6 years. I could stay at home and telepathically tell teens not to have sex for only $500 million for the next ten years and have the same effect. And save our country money. Write your congressperson.

Scientists Say Dieting Does Not Work

This article does NOT, in fact, quote any scientist as saying that dieting does not work. What they DO say, however, is that dieting without lifestyle changes can not only lead to weight re-gain, but also to other health issues. I hate to get off on a rant here, but I have two main ranting points:

1) Changing your eating habits (also known as your “diet”) is the only way to make major changes to your body composition. If I relied only on exercise to lose my weight, I could realistically burn about 300 more calories a day on my old diet, possibly severely hurting myself in the process, and resulting in a yearly weight loss rate of 30 pounds. That’s walking for a full hour every day rain or shine. And eating horribly. I’ve lost 30 pounds in 73 days by simply doing some portion control and starting a reasonable exercise program. The goal here is to make these changes permanent and not yo-yo.

2) On an almost completely unrelated note, what happened to journalism? It is irresponsible to publish an article like that one under that headline. It’s precisely because of that kind of shoddy eye-grabbing writing that people think they have to pay Nutri-Systems or similar to lose weight. Fox Faux News spreads to the medical profession, I suppose. Say whatever you want in the headline and make minor corrections in the fine print.

First, read: Slashdot | Death Threats In the Blogosphere and Kathy Sierra’s take on it here.  Reading this just plain shocked the hell out of me.  I read this story from all sides, and you can, too, by clicking around.  It doesn’t change the fact that some people go too far.  WAY too far.  Ms. Sierra, a prominent author, is getting death threats for… um… being an author.  For having a web presence.  For trying to help developers.  WTF?!  The anonymity the Internet grants you does not give you the right to be an ass for the sake of being an ass.  Events like this will, long term, cause more legislation removing your privacy. In short, if you disagree with someone’s blog and you aren’t adult enough to do so with some semblance of intelligence and without resorting to threats of violence or rape, then you should immediately unplug all electronics in your home and find a shed to live in out in the woods somewhere, because you are not fit to interact with humanity in any venue.

Dear Sirs,

Since you do not provide any contact information on your web site, I’ll just post this message to you on my blog, hoping you’ll do a vanity search and read it one day.

Viral marketing only works if it’s truly viral.  Your recent attempts to get me talking about your movie have failed.  Sure, I’m blogging about it, but I’m not mentioning the name of the movie, ergo it won’t generate that much sought after buzz you’re going for.  Let’s just say that this is my definition of “What Marketing Isn’t.”

Yesterday I received TWO PHONE CALLS from your COMPUTER with a recording pretending to be my friend. This computer said something along the lines of:

(as if to someone else) Hold on a sec, shut up… (to my answering machine) Hey, it’s me!  I just got out of the theater seeing (censored to avoid publicizing your movie) and I thought of you the whole time!  One of the main characters is going through just what you are, you have GOT TO SEE THIS MOVIE!  Go see (censored) and call me back and let me know what you thought.  Talk to you soon!

Okay, jack-ass… First off, I don’t know you, therefore I didn’t remind you of anything other than you made a movie and need my money.  Secondly, I might have gone to see it. I kinda wanted to. You almost had my money.  Then you blew it with this load of crap.  I will not see this movie because of this underhanded tactic.  You will not have my money.  In fact, I’m planning to watch your website for more movies not to see.  Since you market to dumbasses who fall for this sort of marketing, I obviously wouldn’t enjoy your movies anyway.  I hope to see you go out of business soon. Enjoy your obscurity, I hope it follows you until your funding runs out.

Sincerely,

Chad