Brainsprain.net

I went and saw this last night.  I expected your standard slasher porn:  blood, gore, haunted house gotchas, and boobies.  While I was not disappointed on any of these points, this was not your ordinary horror flick.  It had a very good, well-thought-out plot.  I was legitimately afraid of Michael Meyers from nearly his first appearance on screen as a ten year old boy.  Rob Zombie is shaping up to be a great director.  He’s come a very long way.  Go see Halloween!  It’s lots of fun.  And there’s boobies.

Last night, I came home tired and with a huge headache, so Colleen kindly allowed me to watch one of the most mindlessly entertaining movies of all time, Terminator 2. The most insane part, though, was Sarah Conner’s mad ramblings about how the world would end on August 29th, 1997. Ten years ago to the day that we watched Terminator 2. I love insane coincidences like that.

Afterwards, I made my robots clean my kitchen and living room, and totally taunted them. I figured, if they’re going to rise up and kill me one day, I should make certain they’re properly motivated.

Dear Sirs,

Since you do not provide any contact information on your web site, I’ll just post this message to you on my blog, hoping you’ll do a vanity search and read it one day.

Viral marketing only works if it’s truly viral.  Your recent attempts to get me talking about your movie have failed.  Sure, I’m blogging about it, but I’m not mentioning the name of the movie, ergo it won’t generate that much sought after buzz you’re going for.  Let’s just say that this is my definition of “What Marketing Isn’t.”

Yesterday I received TWO PHONE CALLS from your COMPUTER with a recording pretending to be my friend. This computer said something along the lines of:

(as if to someone else) Hold on a sec, shut up… (to my answering machine) Hey, it’s me!  I just got out of the theater seeing (censored to avoid publicizing your movie) and I thought of you the whole time!  One of the main characters is going through just what you are, you have GOT TO SEE THIS MOVIE!  Go see (censored) and call me back and let me know what you thought.  Talk to you soon!

Okay, jack-ass… First off, I don’t know you, therefore I didn’t remind you of anything other than you made a movie and need my money.  Secondly, I might have gone to see it. I kinda wanted to. You almost had my money.  Then you blew it with this load of crap.  I will not see this movie because of this underhanded tactic.  You will not have my money.  In fact, I’m planning to watch your website for more movies not to see.  Since you market to dumbasses who fall for this sort of marketing, I obviously wouldn’t enjoy your movies anyway.  I hope to see you go out of business soon. Enjoy your obscurity, I hope it follows you until your funding runs out.

Sincerely,

Chad

Admittedly, I’ve only seen two of the five movies nominated for Best Picture (Little Miss Sunshine and The Departed). And while both of them were certainly Oscar-worthy, let’s be honest. Martin Scorsese got this one because he was robbed of his Oscar so many times before (this was his first, can you believe that?!). Having nothing but respect for Mr. Scorsese and being a long-time admirer of his work, I have to say that Little Miss Sunshine was a better movie than The Departed.

And, the Best Picture of 2006 Chadademy™ Award goes to… Little Miss Sunshine.