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I finally found the a great example of irony. It is the titanium or “Centurion” American Express card. The card carries a $2,500 annual fee and requires the card holders to charge more than $250,000 a year. Word is that since they are so new, many Titanium cards are being refused by some merchants who think they are not real, and some customers have had problems with airport metal detectors.

If you are so much into status that you need a credit card that can double as a weapon, I have a new line of DESIGNER puppets to sell you.

People who act like the rules do not apply to them make me crazy. There was a man in front of me in line at Walgreen’s and he had a coupon for $1.00 off transferred prescriptions. The coupon said “coupon valid only once per transaction”. The fellow decided that this meant he could ring up all six of his meds separately and get a dollar off each time. What you may not know about Walgreen’s is that they have a “just say yes” policy where the customer is never wrong. ever. So, me and an octogenarian had to wait for 25 minutes while this schmo got his $6.00. The nice old lady was wobbling at one point and I nearly gave the guy the money to go away. Arrrrgh!

I have been dieting for 2 years now in order to take off the massive amount of weight that I had put on in the last 10 years or so.

My progress has been slow, but substantial. I have gone from a size 24 to a size 12. My goal is to get to a size 9 or 10. At that point, I will feel like I can go into maintenance mode. The journey has taught me so much. I am afraid that the key is diet and exercise and not some fancy pill. Still, if you count calories and keep a good attitude about life you CAN lose the weight.

So, I have been in Las Vegas for a week. It has been so much fun. We went with 3 other couples who are close friends and stayed away from all the sports books during March Madness. It was great. On Tuesday, we went to the Star Trek Experience and did the whole backstage tour. We have some hilarious pictures of us on the bridge of the Enterprise where it looks like everything has gone terribly wrong. On Wednesday, we saw Spamalot. It is another hilarious example of how brilliant Eric Idle is. The big turning point for me, however, was seeing Penn and Teller. My friend John had bought us tickets in the fifth row, center for Chad’s birthday. If you do not know, that is Chad’s favorite place to sit in any theatre. He believes that it is the best seat in the house and we usually get to movies at least 45 minutes a head of schedule to make sure we have those exact seats. We have adored Penn and Teller for years. I personally fell in love with them when they made David Letterman squeal like a little girl and run from all the cockroaches but Chad knew their act from way before.

I won’t give anything away in their show, but I noticed something special in the beginning which most people in the audience do not notice. It is probably because I am a musician. Anyway, both magicians do some extra stuff for people who are a little more observant. It is like easter eggs for the clever. I felt very special. During the show, they did some neat new tricks and some great old ones including the clear cups and balls. I love how they tell you exactly what they are going to do and they teach you magic as they do it. Teller is so good at slight of hand that when he is showing you how to do something, it is hard to believe he is doing it even though he is standing there showing you that he is. They ended the show with a flag burning which was so well-worded that people who would have been offended by it could not be offended because they did NOT actually burn the flag and they proved it to you by wrapping the flag in the Bill of Rights (FIRST AMENDMENT PARCHMENT) and then setting it on fire. Then they showed you that they did not set it on fire by wrapping it in China’s Bill of Rights (CLEAR ACETATE) so you can see the trick. Those guys always have a message.

When we met them after the show, they were both very gracious and kind. I know they wanted to go home, but they believe in their fans and they greet them every single night. Penn tells every fan who asks for a picture that “he would be honored” to have his picture made with them.

So, I was lying in bed that night after watching this incredible magic show and hearing the song “Find Your Grail” in my head. I kept thinking that life is about doing what you choose to do and when you really look at it, the simplest explanations are usually the correct ones and something that had been hanging on just let go. I stopped being so scared and just relaxed. Finally.

In an odd sequence of events, local great-grandmother Edna Altman continued to look the cover of a back dated Time Magazine instead of her great grandson Jason during his bris. No matter what her two sons said to get her attention on the baby, she continued to look at the magazine and announce “I don’t see a difference” as she stared at a picture of Presidential hopeful John McCain (R).

CM Reporting for BS Daily Record

I have been terribly ill, I am afraid. It seems that the kidney stone passed, left me with a bad infection and now I have to see a gastro specialist which means I am gonna get the tube of joy. I can hear Hank Hill in my head (Baaaah!) I did manage to suck it up long enough for a job interview somewhere in between it all. It is exactly what I need right now. High volume. Good pay. Low responsibility. I kind of want to be invisible for a while. As Lut ze says, one must truly appreciate the joy of being a sweeper if he wants to be a master.

As someone who has traveled through Europe, Mexico City, Canada, Australia and the Orient, I can definitely say that there is nothing quite as desperate as an American with nothing to purchase. I have been that American. It has taught me a lot about who I am. A consumer culture really does give you a sense of emptiness which many Americans try to fill with food or designer trends. Chances are, if you are American, you want something right now. If you get it, you will feel fulfilled for awhile and then grow bored with it and need more. If you don’t want a material possession, there is something that you are craving. I personally love attention which is why I am specifically choosing things in my life which afford me none. Others still are questing for notoriety, fame or some sort of way to mark their life as different after it is over. The truth as I see it, is like waves in the ocean. We are all different and we are all the same. Albert Einstein was a brilliant man and he will be remembered for a while. He was the Stephen Hawking of his time. He is now a pop-icon with awesome quotes. Soon he will be as memorable as a greek philosopher and then he will be set back where only academics go. His memory will be eroded away the way all natural things do with time. My point with all this is that we as a society must recognize this void and find how to fill it ourselves.

Perhaps that was way too deep. Let’s sing a song about dog farts now.

Ruth lingered in the doorway just long enough to see for certain what she had been suspecting. Once she had her proof, she turned and shot down the hallway like an arrow to her target which had been placed on the back of the utility room door for emergencies just like this one. She was furious and intended to do harm. This was no ordinary anger either. This was rage that had been building for weeks when she first started seeing the signs. It wasn’t obvious right away. Just a little thing here or there, but she had seen it with her own eyes. Now that she knew the whole story, she could almost smell them doing their dirty business down the hall. Did they think they could just get away with this in her house? Don’t think so! She armed herself and started on her journey stepping ever so softly as not to alert them to her presence. She was always such a gentle soul, but there were some things in this world that she just would not abide. She eased the door open and began to open fire. “Die you pig-fuckers! Die!”, she howled as she unloaded the canister on to the floor of her kitchenette. “There will be no cockroaches in my kitchen as long as I walk this earth!”, she exclaimed and tossed the now empty can of Raid into the garbage. She sighed happily and armed off the bomb that would finish the job as she slipped out her front door to meet Emilia.

Cupid is a fickled one
with heaven’s eyes
and devil’s tongue.
His aim is past the hearts he won.
Old young one aims to tease.

His wicked grin’s encased with fire.
Wooing you with lute or lyre.
His dance of knowing
pure, deep desire
You find you ache to please.

But capture him, you dare not try
for you will fall and fall from high
flash paper cinders arch the sky
and twirl askew to mother soil
so handle him with ease.

Even angels he has come to woo
know not to chase the little fae.
For endless is he to pursue.
As they exhaust, he does renew
and grounded, they fall on their knees.

Playland Skate Center officials declared the site “the safest place to be” last night as not only Supergirl, but Batgirl felt the beat and got down. A trio of super fans showed up in capes to support the duo. Batgirl sliced through the crowd on blades while Supergirl chose a more “American Way” on red white and blue quads.

The duo skated hard and furiously until a giant lobster showed up. Sensing that he was not actually a Super Villian but instead a tasty food item, the two began to realize their own super hunger and decided it was time to fly.

One of my favorite little odd past-times is to replace the pronouns in love songs so that I am singing to myself. It is a little narcissist tune and it makes me laugh. The effect goes something like this. “I love me. I honestly love me.” or “Just me and I, sharing my world together”.

I have recently realized just how telling my little songs were. I am hereby granting all my friends validation stamps. They are invisible. Whenever I start in on something that sounds like I am just seeking validation, you are to just mock stamping my forehead and say VALID! This will help me identify these narcissistic moments. Thanks. I am working on it. I really am guys.