Brainsprain.net

I finally found the a great example of irony. It is the titanium or “Centurion” American Express card. The card carries a $2,500 annual fee and requires the card holders to charge more than $250,000 a year. Word is that since they are so new, many Titanium cards are being refused by some merchants who think they are not real, and some customers have had problems with airport metal detectors.

If you are so much into status that you need a credit card that can double as a weapon, I have a new line of DESIGNER puppets to sell you.

People who act like the rules do not apply to them make me crazy. There was a man in front of me in line at Walgreen’s and he had a coupon for $1.00 off transferred prescriptions. The coupon said “coupon valid only once per transaction”. The fellow decided that this meant he could ring up all six of his meds separately and get a dollar off each time. What you may not know about Walgreen’s is that they have a “just say yes” policy where the customer is never wrong. ever. So, me and an octogenarian had to wait for 25 minutes while this schmo got his $6.00. The nice old lady was wobbling at one point and I nearly gave the guy the money to go away. Arrrrgh!

Beloved
Love like ours must have come before, yet there are moments when I feel ours must be bigger than time itself and somehow able to support the universe.

Between us, symbols have no meaning.
I cannot compare you to the sun or moon, for they fall short.
I do not look at the ring on my hand and think “this is what binds” for it does not.
A ceremony could never contain what it is to be us.

For every moment, I choose my life.
I choose love and joy.
I choose intimacy and companionship.
I choose someone who knows me, who loves me and who chooses me in turn.
I choose you, my love, my heart, my guide.
I choose you.

for Chad 7/7/2008

She calls me out to her
and I stand half-dressed in her wonder.

Just her smell is intoxicating.
salty, metallic and magical

She purrs and builds
and keeps us
right on the edge.

My skin tingles
every time she flashes.
and my toes grip the wet grass
as she screams her intentions
to take us.

All of my senses are filled now
and I must take shelter before
I come to harm, yet I do not want to move
from this storm.

I have been dieting for 2 years now in order to take off the massive amount of weight that I had put on in the last 10 years or so.

My progress has been slow, but substantial. I have gone from a size 24 to a size 12. My goal is to get to a size 9 or 10. At that point, I will feel like I can go into maintenance mode. The journey has taught me so much. I am afraid that the key is diet and exercise and not some fancy pill. Still, if you count calories and keep a good attitude about life you CAN lose the weight.

So, I have been in Las Vegas for a week. It has been so much fun. We went with 3 other couples who are close friends and stayed away from all the sports books during March Madness. It was great. On Tuesday, we went to the Star Trek Experience and did the whole backstage tour. We have some hilarious pictures of us on the bridge of the Enterprise where it looks like everything has gone terribly wrong. On Wednesday, we saw Spamalot. It is another hilarious example of how brilliant Eric Idle is. The big turning point for me, however, was seeing Penn and Teller. My friend John had bought us tickets in the fifth row, center for Chad’s birthday. If you do not know, that is Chad’s favorite place to sit in any theatre. He believes that it is the best seat in the house and we usually get to movies at least 45 minutes a head of schedule to make sure we have those exact seats. We have adored Penn and Teller for years. I personally fell in love with them when they made David Letterman squeal like a little girl and run from all the cockroaches but Chad knew their act from way before.

I won’t give anything away in their show, but I noticed something special in the beginning which most people in the audience do not notice. It is probably because I am a musician. Anyway, both magicians do some extra stuff for people who are a little more observant. It is like easter eggs for the clever. I felt very special. During the show, they did some neat new tricks and some great old ones including the clear cups and balls. I love how they tell you exactly what they are going to do and they teach you magic as they do it. Teller is so good at slight of hand that when he is showing you how to do something, it is hard to believe he is doing it even though he is standing there showing you that he is. They ended the show with a flag burning which was so well-worded that people who would have been offended by it could not be offended because they did NOT actually burn the flag and they proved it to you by wrapping the flag in the Bill of Rights (FIRST AMENDMENT PARCHMENT) and then setting it on fire. Then they showed you that they did not set it on fire by wrapping it in China’s Bill of Rights (CLEAR ACETATE) so you can see the trick. Those guys always have a message.

When we met them after the show, they were both very gracious and kind. I know they wanted to go home, but they believe in their fans and they greet them every single night. Penn tells every fan who asks for a picture that “he would be honored” to have his picture made with them.

So, I was lying in bed that night after watching this incredible magic show and hearing the song “Find Your Grail” in my head. I kept thinking that life is about doing what you choose to do and when you really look at it, the simplest explanations are usually the correct ones and something that had been hanging on just let go. I stopped being so scared and just relaxed. Finally.

In an odd sequence of events, local great-grandmother Edna Altman continued to look the cover of a back dated Time Magazine instead of her great grandson Jason during his bris. No matter what her two sons said to get her attention on the baby, she continued to look at the magazine and announce “I don’t see a difference” as she stared at a picture of Presidential hopeful John McCain (R).

CM Reporting for BS Daily Record

You may wonder why I do not paint you,
but there is no museum wall that could hold the beauty of you.
There is not paint bright enough, deep enough,
or resilient enough for the vision you hold in my head.
There is no canvas ever made as strong as your arms
or as pliant as your kiss.

You, my life-long lover and friend
are the greatest of all works of art
and if I had any hand in your making,
I hope that I have only left
my thumb print on your heart.

Colleen M. 2/14/2008

I have been terribly ill, I am afraid. It seems that the kidney stone passed, left me with a bad infection and now I have to see a gastro specialist which means I am gonna get the tube of joy. I can hear Hank Hill in my head (Baaaah!) I did manage to suck it up long enough for a job interview somewhere in between it all. It is exactly what I need right now. High volume. Good pay. Low responsibility. I kind of want to be invisible for a while. As Lut ze says, one must truly appreciate the joy of being a sweeper if he wants to be a master.

As someone who has traveled through Europe, Mexico City, Canada, Australia and the Orient, I can definitely say that there is nothing quite as desperate as an American with nothing to purchase. I have been that American. It has taught me a lot about who I am. A consumer culture really does give you a sense of emptiness which many Americans try to fill with food or designer trends. Chances are, if you are American, you want something right now. If you get it, you will feel fulfilled for awhile and then grow bored with it and need more. If you don’t want a material possession, there is something that you are craving. I personally love attention which is why I am specifically choosing things in my life which afford me none. Others still are questing for notoriety, fame or some sort of way to mark their life as different after it is over. The truth as I see it, is like waves in the ocean. We are all different and we are all the same. Albert Einstein was a brilliant man and he will be remembered for a while. He was the Stephen Hawking of his time. He is now a pop-icon with awesome quotes. Soon he will be as memorable as a greek philosopher and then he will be set back where only academics go. His memory will be eroded away the way all natural things do with time. My point with all this is that we as a society must recognize this void and find how to fill it ourselves.

Perhaps that was way too deep. Let’s sing a song about dog farts now.

My mind keeps coming back to that Monday
when we sat outside in the grotto lawn.
I stretched out flat on a chair below
so you could not see me as you sang your songs.

My eyes traced the veins of the of the leaves above
while you told me of your plan.
It rained flowers that matched my shirt.
and silently my teardrops ran.

Ain’t it funny how our memories change with time?
or how a penny whistle tune can be sublime?

When what you seek and who you are merge
you simply divide again, I am afraid my friend.

But why that’s how it goes
only the cosmos truly knows.

Now, I have loved a man longer than I have not.
and I’ve not found many who know what I have got.

I’m so glad to share the laughter
and a pocket full of dreams.
because now I see that lonely heart
is busting to the seams.

It is beautiful to see the love that I have that is so true
you have found in someone beautiful and I have to say
my darling,
Love looks good on you.