Brainsprain.net

Tomorrow marks ninety days on my silly diet. Officially, that’s 33 pounds in 90 days, or 0.37 pounds per day. My scale actually tells me I’ve lost 37 pounds, which is an equally impressive 0.41 pounds per day. My exercise program works, too, and while you may not notice the subtle changes, I can see muscles brewing under that excess skin. I’m not quite halfway to where I want to be, but I note this important milestone with these words:

I weigh more today than I ever will again.

So now some cheapskates want to change the very definition of chocolate.  I’m not even a huge fan, but calling something that is not chocolate chocolate is just silly.  Next they’ll be wanting to call refried beans T-Bone steaks.  Just say no to the FDA, visit here for more information.

You’re a stone skipper
and a day tripper.
Somedays you’re just a little
sacred cow tipper.

You’re a deep thinker
and a cloud winker
Sometimes you’re too much
of a coffee shot drinker

You sing just like a bird
with all the beauty that you’ve heard.
and every single word makes me ping
baby sing, baby sing!

You’re a kite flyer
and a town crier
Somedays there is no one who can
make me feel higher.

You’re heart is made of gold.
such a beauty to behold.
but no one ever told you it’s not a ring.
baby sing. You can’t hold on to that thing.

You’re a string picker
and a cat fetch flicker
You always seem to know just how
to make this gal snicker.

There is so much left to see
for a soul that’s truly free.
Even the poison ivy’s lost it’s sting.
So baby Sing! Take to the wing.
Baby sing. Sweet baby sing.

A recent study shows that Abstinence-Only Sex Education programs do not change the likelihood of participants having sex. Don’t take my word for it. Check these credible news sources. Wow! Telling teenagers NOT to do something their bodies DEMAND from them isn’t working?! I’m not even a parent and I know that crap doesn’t work. Remember when you were a teenager? Did your parents tell you to not have sex? If so, when the moment/moments came to make your choice, was their opinion foremost in your mind?

I hope, for your sake, that the answer was “No.” Now imagine that the GOVERNMENT RECOMMENDED that you not do it (remember, you’re a teenager!) … How does THAT factor in to your decision making process? Right. Not at all. The US Government has spent over $1 billion dollars on these ineffective programs just in the last 6 years. I could stay at home and telepathically tell teens not to have sex for only $500 million for the next ten years and have the same effect. And save our country money. Write your congressperson.

I made my love
a simple velvet sleeve
and in it, placed a thistle
from on hilltop I did whistle
and bid him wear it as he did leave.

I watched him go
unto the valley fair
as he walked I played a tune
so he might hear the words I feared to croon
and silken ribbons filled the sunny air.

Time went by
and still my heart did yearn
as the whistle did resound
the notes did shake the gentle ground
but never did my lover return.

After two and twenty years
a husband passed and children grown
I climbed the hill again to call his name
singing to the one that never came
lost my footing and did cast aside a stone.

Underneath my clumsy heel
my hand reached among the rocks
I did find what I had craved
a package with my initial engraved
shaking hands did open up the dainty box.

A photo was revealed
of a lovely lady in her finest attire
and in her hand was clasped the tattered sleeve
the back inscribed “My daughter Genevieve”
“I could not leave the one whom I did sire”

Now with tear in eye
my whistle sounding strong
I did smile upon the choices he had made
knowing why he hadn’t stayed
and to whom his heart did really belong.

As I rose to leave
I did pack away my whistle
when a voice did fill my ears
I hadn’t heard in twenty years
as his hand took mine, I felt the thorny thistle.

A yellow crested companion
sings a joy song to the morning
over the fan hum of four computers.

Sunshine strobe-light
covers the west wall
and a hazy memory of
standing in the distant shade
of a Bell chopper rotor
spins a web of nostalgia
on my backbone.

Pigtails fly back
and the navy dress is scooped up
revealing white tights.

The little girl takes no notice and
a wide grin crosses her face as she
climbs into the big clear bubble with
the help of her father.

Her eyes dart lustfully at the clear floor
and then questioningly at the seat-belt.
Her lips rise on one side as her index finger
finds the release groove and she prepares for take off.

Scientists Say Dieting Does Not Work

This article does NOT, in fact, quote any scientist as saying that dieting does not work. What they DO say, however, is that dieting without lifestyle changes can not only lead to weight re-gain, but also to other health issues. I hate to get off on a rant here, but I have two main ranting points:

1) Changing your eating habits (also known as your “diet”) is the only way to make major changes to your body composition. If I relied only on exercise to lose my weight, I could realistically burn about 300 more calories a day on my old diet, possibly severely hurting myself in the process, and resulting in a yearly weight loss rate of 30 pounds. That’s walking for a full hour every day rain or shine. And eating horribly. I’ve lost 30 pounds in 73 days by simply doing some portion control and starting a reasonable exercise program. The goal here is to make these changes permanent and not yo-yo.

2) On an almost completely unrelated note, what happened to journalism? It is irresponsible to publish an article like that one under that headline. It’s precisely because of that kind of shoddy eye-grabbing writing that people think they have to pay Nutri-Systems or similar to lose weight. Fox Faux News spreads to the medical profession, I suppose. Say whatever you want in the headline and make minor corrections in the fine print.

If you know me, then you know of my penchant for all blinky lights and especially lasers. Chances are, I’ve annoyed the crap out of you on at least one occasion with my +5 Green Laser of Questionable Legality. I was at the Chinese web site where I purchased it, cruising around looking for the latest and greatest ways to burn the retinas right out of my head, when I came upon something so bizarre that I had to share it with you. For only $13.01 including shipping, you too can have a Breast Enhancer and Massager. It’s almost worth that just to have the box.

April Fool’s Day has officially gotten out of hand.  I love a good prank as much as anyone, but the news today is just silly.  Every single news outlet, search engine, and blogger found it necessary to play some grand April Fool’s joke.  ThinkGeek’s was worthy of a chuckle, but the rest are remarkably stupid.  The truly sad part is how many of them are completely and totally innane, and yet lemmings fell for it by the bus load.  Okay, Internet, leave comedy to the professionals…