Brainsprain.net

First, read: Slashdot | Death Threats In the Blogosphere and Kathy Sierra’s take on it here.  Reading this just plain shocked the hell out of me.  I read this story from all sides, and you can, too, by clicking around.  It doesn’t change the fact that some people go too far.  WAY too far.  Ms. Sierra, a prominent author, is getting death threats for… um… being an author.  For having a web presence.  For trying to help developers.  WTF?!  The anonymity the Internet grants you does not give you the right to be an ass for the sake of being an ass.  Events like this will, long term, cause more legislation removing your privacy. In short, if you disagree with someone’s blog and you aren’t adult enough to do so with some semblance of intelligence and without resorting to threats of violence or rape, then you should immediately unplug all electronics in your home and find a shed to live in out in the woods somewhere, because you are not fit to interact with humanity in any venue.

Dear Sirs,

Since you do not provide any contact information on your web site, I’ll just post this message to you on my blog, hoping you’ll do a vanity search and read it one day.

Viral marketing only works if it’s truly viral.  Your recent attempts to get me talking about your movie have failed.  Sure, I’m blogging about it, but I’m not mentioning the name of the movie, ergo it won’t generate that much sought after buzz you’re going for.  Let’s just say that this is my definition of “What Marketing Isn’t.”

Yesterday I received TWO PHONE CALLS from your COMPUTER with a recording pretending to be my friend. This computer said something along the lines of:

(as if to someone else) Hold on a sec, shut up… (to my answering machine) Hey, it’s me!  I just got out of the theater seeing (censored to avoid publicizing your movie) and I thought of you the whole time!  One of the main characters is going through just what you are, you have GOT TO SEE THIS MOVIE!  Go see (censored) and call me back and let me know what you thought.  Talk to you soon!

Okay, jack-ass… First off, I don’t know you, therefore I didn’t remind you of anything other than you made a movie and need my money.  Secondly, I might have gone to see it. I kinda wanted to. You almost had my money.  Then you blew it with this load of crap.  I will not see this movie because of this underhanded tactic.  You will not have my money.  In fact, I’m planning to watch your website for more movies not to see.  Since you market to dumbasses who fall for this sort of marketing, I obviously wouldn’t enjoy your movies anyway.  I hope to see you go out of business soon. Enjoy your obscurity, I hope it follows you until your funding runs out.

Sincerely,

Chad

Birthdays don’t generally phase me, but this one got me feeling old. People born on my eighteenth birthday are eighteen. I feel fat and tired and generally in a self-pitying funk.

This video definitively answers the question of which OS is best.

It is official.  Brainsprain.net has officially arrived in the Blogosphere.  I know this because we’re currently under attack from a whole hoard of spam-bots, attempting to add comments to posts having nothing do with the post itself, but rather with where one can purchase Viagra, were one so inclined.  I have brought the shields up, and they seem to be functioning well so far.  If you comment on something and it doesn’t show up within 24 hours, please e-mail me and let me know that the comment spam blocker may be malfunctioning.  As you were.

And a researcher thinks that’s a good thing.  I definitely know where all my stuff is in my mess 95% of the time.  When it’s well-organized (even by me) I know where nothing is, because I rely on the organization crutch.  To each his own.

When you’re walking five to seven miles daily in a theme park, you need a lot of fluids.  Even when you need a lot of fluids and consume a lot of fluids, certain fluid-related body functions speed up, and you find yourself visiting the many lovely restrooms available to you.  I found myself at Epcot in the World Showcase in the evening, and decided to make a quick run to the restroom in Norway.ÂAlmost all the urinals were occupied, so I stepped up to a vacant one, unzipped, and began to answer nature’s urgent call.  There were about 6 other men engaged in similar activity.  One of them had a six-year-old son/nephew/grandson/kidnapee waiting for him behind us. As it is inappropriate to relieve gaseous pressures in mixed company (even in DisneyWorld), one of my peers noisily made more room. The six-year-old behind us began giggling uncontrollably.  Well, I thought, there is no better time to do this, and besides, it’ll make the kid’s whole day if I follow up that other guy’s butt-trumpet with my own.  I also cut loose.  Apparently, I wasn’t the only one with that thought, as five other gentlemen also picked that very moment to entertain the youth.   The malodorous symphony we played for him sent him into gales of bellyaching laughter, which caused most of us to titter uncomfortably as we suddenly realized we had pressing engagements elsewhere.  As I painstakingly avoided eye contact with the rest of the orchestra and got outta there, I couldn’t help thinking that the six of us had just made a little boy’s special Disney Wish come true.

We’re back from the Mouse House, and much fun was had by all.  I have a few new interesting stories, some of which I’ll be blogging in the coming days.  During the trip, we decided that the word “Sherbet” instead of being pronounced in either of its ambiguous ways (sher-bert or sher-butt) should instead be pronounced “Sher-bay” to rhyme with “sorbet”.  The ladies in our group intend on going to Tahiti for some reason or other, and we all agreed that Sidewalk Sauce was NOT something one wants on one’s pants.  I’ll leave you to wonder about the Tasty, Tasty Garbage Juice.

Very glad to be home, but had MUCH MUCH fun. (And didn’t TOTALLY blow my diet. )

Does blogging help appease hunger pangs?  Let’s find out… I knew when I started this thing that there would be moments like this… Moments when a cheeseburger, fries, and an order of hot wings would start chanting my name.  Right now they’re doing that “Eat Me” dance from Addams Family Values on the inside of my eyelids.  I take deep breaths and remember my favorite diet fantasy to get through:

I’m in the midst of a terrible, worldwide famine. Skinny WebEx salesmen and other annoying people are dying all around me. Sure, I’m hungry. Sure, I’m starving on barely half the nutritional requirements of my body.  But I planned and trained for this for seventeen years. My mighty hump is providing me with all the nourishment I need, and at the end of all this, I will shed it in favor of a new, healthy, lean body in a world where everyone who pisses me off has starved to death. It’s brutal, but there is nothing I can do to save them. I take some of the food I’ve scrounged and put it in a secret place to give to the people I love. My belly is strong and good and will sustain me another day.

Um, yeah, I need to get back into therapy… 63 more pounds to go.

I hate when salespeople resort to fear and misinformation to sell their product. It makes me furious. I’ve spent weeks and weeks at work researching and convincing folks to use a new service for Webinars and online Meetings, as the one we had (which shall remain nameless) stank. So I finally get the wonderful services of GoToMeeting and GoToWebinar, brought to you by the folks who make GoToMyPC. Easy to use, the price is right, and just works.

And then a salesperson from WebEx e-mails his contact at my company flat out lying to them about a security hole in GoToMeeting… The link was ACTUALLY about a security hole in a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PRODUCT. To clarify: The WebEx sales guy called EITHER his integrity OR his expertise into serious question. Eitherway, he validated my decision. If you’d like to read the text of the message (a few details edited out), read on… Read the rest of this entry »