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I’ve decided that I’m at the beginning of act three of a frat house movie with my diet.

Act I: Wild and Wacky Fraternity Antics

Act II: Uptight Dean threatens Wacky Frat to SHAPE UP OR SHIP OUT!

So here it is, Act III, Scene 1…

Bacon: Dude, Dean Chad is really serious this time! I think he’s gonna make us really lose weight!

Stomach: Come on! It’s Chadsy! We’ve been here before with him! All we gotta do is lay low for a couple of weeks, drop a couple of pounds, and then he’ll get distracted and we’re back on the gravy train.

Sausage: We’ve already dropped ten pounds. That’s our WHOLE STASH! If he keeps up at this rate, we’re going to really have to lose the weight.

Stomach: Seriously? Ten pounds? We’re out of spare?

Chili-Cheese Dog: YES! Bacon, Sausage and I haven’t been able to set foot on campus in weeks! And Cheeseburger is so depressed he won’t come out of his room. Don’t talk to me about Ultimate Skillet. (sobs) He was so young!

Stomach: (getting serious) Okay, guys. You’re not out yet. I’ll just… well… lose the weight, I guess. You guys will just have to leave for a while until we can get it together. Then, maybe you can come back.

Bacon: (hopefully) Permanently? You’ll dump the Chicken and Tuna twins?

Stomach: I don’t know, Pig-Man. I don’t know.

(FADE TO – SPORTS TRAINING MONTAGE)

Tags:diet,humor